When Nothing's Enough
by Meowser Clancy
Summary: Tag to 11x14: Hostage. JJ's thoughts on the Violet/Amelia situation. /talk of religion/
"I lost her," Eileen whispered, the words an ache. "I never even got her back."

"I am so sorry," JJ told the mother, moving closer. "Gina...she told me how wonderful Sheila was. She wants to talk to you, she wants to see Sheila too."

Eileen nodded slowly, holding her daughter's hand. "I...she knew Sheila. She could maybe tell me a little about her."

"Of course," JJ said. "I'll bring her in soon, okay?"

"I need a few more minutes alone," Eileen agreed, and JJ silently left.

"I can't believe how much pain she's in," JJ whispered, standing by the statue of the Virgin Mary at the end of the hospital corridor. Reid was still inside, speaking with Gina. "I can't believe this."

She'd seen things like this before, of course. But it never fails to sucker punch her, to make her feel pain in the very depths of her heart.

"So many others," she thought, letting her hand briefly fall on the foot of the Virgin Mary. JJ wasn't a religious person, but she'd been raised Christian.

She looked up at the statue, asking her for strength. "One mother to the other. Help me get through this case so I can go home again."

The statue just looks at her in return, Mary's gaze strong but soft.

* * *

"What if she has a child?"" JJ spoke the words out loud, her heart pounding as she did so. _This Violet, who is so hard to get through to. This beautiful, tortured girl._

JJ walked to the room that Hotch, Rossi and Reid waited in. She shared her thoughts and she saw the looks on their faces.

Their thoughts spun out in a million different directions. How young was Violet when she had her first child?

She remembered her first pregnancy; she'd been relatively young, in her mind. She'd been thirty, and she'd looked forward to having her child every single day until the blessed event actually came to pass.

And she'd cherished Henry since then, held him tight and hoped for his well being. She did what she did _for_ Henry at this point; he was always on her mind during cases. She did what she did so that her baby would be safe. So that nothing like this would ever happen to him.

Now that had expanded to include Michael.

As she walked from the room, ready to go ask Violet about her possible children, she wondered if she'd love her children any less if she hadn't loved their father.

 _No_ , she realized. _No matter what their conception might have been...they're_ my _kids._

She couldn't imagine what Violet's going through. She tried, but she couldn't.

* * *

At the end of a day, of a case, JJ stood with Reid. They were talking, going over details, when they heard it. A gunshot.

JJ felt her heart skip a beat. It took her less than a second to react; she vaulted over a hospital chair and ran from the room, her hand on her holster.

Right outside, Hotch stood, his gun out.

Eileen Woods was already laying her gun on the ground; her hands were already up.

"Take me in," she stated simply.

"Eileen Woods, you're under arrest for the murder of Michael Thompson," Hotch said, his gun lowering.

JJ's hand slipped off of her own gun. She felt Reid's presence behind her, and soon Morgan is there too, his gaze shocked as he surveys the scene.

Eileen looked at JJ as she was led off. Her face said one thing, and one thing only: _I don't regret it._

JJ stared back, and slowly, she mouthed something.

Eileen didn't smile, but she raised her chin a little bit more.

* * *

"There's a story by a Sigrid Undset," Reid began on the flight home. "It's about a young girl who's raped and who takes the law into her own hands, going after her attacker and killing him because she knows that no one else will fight for her."

JJ looked up at him, and she slowly nodded.

"It's hard to say whether or not she made the right choice," Rossi said simply. "We can't judge these matters."

"Still," Morgan began. "I'd be glad if Eileen didn't serve any time for this." He glanced at Hotch, as if a bit apprehensive as to how the Unit Chief would take this sentiment but Hotch nodded his head.

"Justice is a two edged sword," JJ said. "There's no doubt that Michael deserved punishment, some sort of retribution. He ruined lives."

Reid sighed. "There's a part of me that agrees," he said. "But wouldn't it be more punishing to place him in an environment where he didn't have any control?"

"You don't know how his jail sentence would have turned out," JJ protested. "Maybe, in some horrible way, he'd come to have a good time. Maybe he might befriend the inmates."

"A hell of a lot would happen before then," Morgan interjected.

"Let's face it, once the deal was off the table, he'd have gotten a life sentence," JJ said. "If he was in there that long, who knows what might have happened? He could escape, he could end up liking it there. It might not have been punishment enough."

"I'm Catholic," Rossi said. "Loosely so, but I believe in hell. I believe that Michael is getting his punishment right now."

JJ was still dissatisfied. "What is hell? Besides, Catholics believe in deathbed conversions. How can you live with the belief that Michael could have truly regretted his actions and get to go to heaven? Tell me that."

"I've read about hell," Reid said. "About how God created it because He loves. About how hell can be thought of as a place for those who hate God so much, He put them in a place that He isn't."

Hotch cleared his throat. "We really don't have to argue about this," he said quietly. _"_ I think Michael will get his share of punishment. I trust in that."

JJ turned away, still unsettled. She's glad that Eileen shot Michael. There is no doubt in her mind that he deserved pain, and a lot of it.

But would _any_ punishment be enough?

* * *

"I willingly believe that the damned are, in one sense, successful, rebels to the end; that the gates of hell are locked on the inside." C.S. Lewis


End file.
